Nervous?
You bet. It's been a long while since anything.
Scanxiety, we call it on the macmillan group.
I'm really anxious about the needle going into my skin. About the cannula being inserted. The pain I'll feel. Whether they'll be able to progress it.
But most of all I worry. Is it still there? Is it all gone? I feel my neck still quite often, wondering if there's anything raised. I see my scar from before infringing on the left hand side of my neck. Pushing it all up a little bit. Meaning the skin is slightly more raised on my left than my right. Any little pain in my neck and I can't leave it alone.
Psychological scars, I tell myself. Psychological scars.
People always say to me - do you not want the results earlier? I say I'm not sure. I have had a long time to go through all of this and try to get my life in check. Now, I just want it to be over.
Time always marches forward, and there's nothing we can do except live in the reality in which we are presented.
I just hope this is the last time I ever have to worry about this. The numbers are on my side. The asymptomatic reality (i.e. without scaring myself, I think that there's probably nothing there) is also behind me.
Let's get this done.
